May 20, 2009

• Life, As We Know It

  Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
  James 1:2-4
  
  

  
  The last several months have probably been the most difficult of my whole life.  My relationship with God has been tested, as well as my relationship with others.  We lost our second baby, the loss prompted testing and some medical issues to come up with me, then my husband lost his job – our only real source of income and the source of our health insurance.  It was obvious God was stripping us down to our bare bones, making us trust Him and only Him, but would we, in the midst of these and other trials that I won’t even mention, seek to become perfect and complete or angry and bitter?

  I’ll be the first to admit that anger and bitterness were there, especially on my part.  But God has been working on my heart.  Now, five months since the miscarriage and four months since my husband’s lay off I am beginning to feel more like myself again.  I can look back and see God’s hand in all of it.  I don’t have to understand or even like what God has done, but I can see that God is in control and that NONE of this was or has been a surprise to Him.

  I see how God gave me a job in November of last year, a job working PR at my daughter’s Christian School.  The job was supposed to be strictly PR and only about 8 hours a week, but it has expanded to so much more and to many more hours, hours I am more than happy to work right now.  And I am enjoying it… a lot.  God has also allowed me to substitute teach at both the Christian School and at the public schools in town, adding even more money to our coffers.  I am also still writing news articles.  So, to say my plate is full is an understatement.  It has been a relief to be extra busy.  It has helped me keep my mind focused on what is… and not what could have been.

  My husband has been working hard to find a job, but nothing has been happening on that front.  There are just so many people out there in the same position… there’s a lot of competition for every job.  I know he has been frustrated and discouraged as our e-mail account just gets flooded with “thanks, but no thanks” e-mail responses from would-be employers.  Thankfully, Josh’s dad, who owns a construction company, has had some work for Josh to do.  His dad laid off all of his full-time employees a few months ago, so now he just has Josh doing some odd jobs for him.  It’s not a full-time job, but it’s something.  And we are thankful for what God has been providing.

  Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to them that love Him.
  James 1:12
  
  

  Some days are still difficult.  Some days are definitely harder than others.   I am under a month away from what would have been my due date, and as it approaches I know things will be even more difficult.  After our first lost, I was already pregnant again and even knew that Lorelei was fine and was a girl by the time the due date came along.  This time that certainly isn’t the case.  Please pray for me in the next few weeks.   And then there are other days when I feel completely at peace – knowing that God is sovereign in all.  I pray that I will have more and more of those days in the weeks and months ahead.

  Pray that Josh and I will persevere in this trial.  Pray that God will supply Josh with the perfect job and that we will be patient in our waiting.  Pray that we will be a good testimony even during this extremely difficult time for us.  Pray that God will continue to teach us and mold us and that we will be open to learning whatever He has for us.

  
  

  • 1:46 pm
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